The Order of Things

Right about now my ‘projects on the go’ list is lengthening whilst the projects themselves seem no nearer to any kind of resolution. The hallway frame wall is in a status quo as I resume the hunt for more frames with which to complete it. The tacked tear sheets are a constant source of irritation as the blu-tack’s tackiness seems only to last a few days before one or another of the composition comes peeling away to be tugged down sharply by S on passing. Noticing the gap I then embark upon a hunt for the missing template, unfurl it and retack before beginning the exercise again a few days later. The project probably doesn’t fill S with much excitement as it will go through various, probably ugly, stages yet before reaching a point where the red ribbon can be cut and the wall declared Open For Browsing. One such crucial stage calls upon about two days of his time for the complex operation of hanging the motley arrangement ….requiring an array of spirit levels, electronic laser levels, drill and several bulging bags of picture hooks plus, guaranteed, several frustrated trips to B&Q for essentials forgotten.

Quite when that weekend will be I’m not sure… strategy is to wait until the boot fair season where I hope to pick up the few remaining armfuls needed so it’ll be a little while yet…..but in living with this unusual choice of wall covering we will be compelled to counter, with detailed explantations from me and exasperated rolled eyes from S, quips made by visitors such as the recent “I don’t think much of your wallpaper….” The consolation for S being that most visitors side immediately with the ever patient man about the house forced to live with this woman.

The snug is another project on the go. Since my presentation my client has been ominously silent which I’ve taken as a cue to crack on regardless. The artwork has been purchased and on arrival paint colours will be checked against it before the room is painted. The desk for the office area I hope to pick up at an antiques fair I am planning (excitedly) to venture to in mid April and searches for sofa beds on EBay continue on an almost nightly basis. However the crucial element, the storage wall, I may need to wait for…..
“I can’t make shelves until I have a router and I can’t have a router until I have a shed and I can’t have a shed til we do the garden” said S in retaliation to a recent leaden hint I’d dropped about buying the necessary wood.

Which leads me smartly to our next current project. The garden. And with the appearance last weekend of the sun it seemed a good a time as any to begin. The trouble is the logistics of it all seem to have us paralysed. Plans are to level the main section of lawn, dig some generous curved beds, tuck a Wendy house for O in amongst them, create a step up to a vegetable garden at the pack and position a new shed side-on to minimise its view from the house. (A slightly simpler variation on option 2 here)

In what order we tackle those plans is the bit which is stumping us though the theory we arrived at is that it can’t hurt to rid ourselves, sooner rather than later, of the current unsightly shed, (un)fondly named the The House That Jack Built, which weathered the recent storms only as it is being held up from inside by the junk stored within it. Which leaves us with the conundrum as to where to store said junk when its structure is helped down by a sledgehammer. Needless to say we didn’t get that far. The shed door was opened, we peered inside, we felt slightly sickened by the enormity of it all and closed it again. S decided internet shopping might be the best option and proceeded to hunt for new specimens online. O and I managed to plant up some window boxes….not in the least bit helping the cause in our back garden but going in some way to prove to passing folk forced to take in eyefuls of the ugly facade of our house that it does contain within its walls owners that care about it…despite it looking pretty un-loved at present.

Then I booked a gardener.





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